At last, a system that will allow you to make as much money as you want as fast as you want, no matter who you are, where you live or whether or not you're over 4 feet tall.
Dear Internet Friend,
You are losing money reading this website right now! That's right. With the amount of time you have spent reading this far on in this site I have safely tucked away another $85,742.67!
How have I done this?
I'm about to tell you.
First, you need to stare intensely at the screen. Try to focus your gaze at exactly 33 pixels from the far right hand side and 75 pixels from the top. The closer you stare exactly at this point on the screen the more money will flow to you.
You see, I've developed a fool-proof, 1000% guaranteed system to generate BUCKETS of CASH quickly and easily.
What's the Problem?
To be honest, the problem is the world banking system. If too many people take advantage of this offer, the world economy may be in trouble. The amount of cash being extracted from the system will be too large for the global economy to handle it.
So, we've collaborated with some of the world's top "statestmen" to make sure there aren't any problems. The honorable Hugo Chavez and other well known and highly esteemed leaders (in addition to David Duke) have been enlisted to personally guarantee the solvency of this venture.
Even the Nigerian government itself has agreed to place it's standard $23 Billion dollar pool of available money as back-up capital for this venture.
How Do You Order?
Ordering is simple.
All you have to do is stare at your screen where we have placed a large red dot below this paragraph.
Our sophisticated, multi-encoded, fully hyperbolic and angelically assisted algorithmic eye capture translator will take your order. It will debit the $103,435.67 from your checking account. BUT, don't worry, the money coming out of your account is only temporary.
Soon, the money will be coming in so fast that you may want to put pillows near your laptop. The speed at which the money will "come back at ya" will be so fast that a number of our members have had their computers lifted off the dining room table and thrown across the room.
The Fee for This Program?
It's a pittance compared to what you're getting back! All we ask is for you to send us a copy of your financial statements. Take your net worth and then send it all to us minus the cost of a 90 day supply of Big Macs.
This should be enough to hold you until the money starts to GUSH in the opposite direction.
What are you Getting?
Don't get hung up with the small stuff! Don't worry about what you're receiving, but concentrate instead on what you'll do with the money once you start getting it.
WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH THE CASH????
Ask yourself? What will you do with ALL THIS MONEY????
- Will you buy an island in the South Pacific?
- Will you consider a year sabbatical to Neptune?
- Will you make an offer for Microsoft that they can't refuse?
- Will you provide Brittney Spears with full-time psychiatric care?
- Will you purchase the presidency of the United States for a 4 or 8 year term?
- Will you provide the funds to pay for Tom Cruise to get deprogrammed?
What will you do? WHAT WILL YOU DO?
$2,534,896 in Bonuses Just for TRYIING Our System
You've seen offers where they offer you a "few" lousy bonuses. Well, move over, because Daddy is here to drop the BIG LOAD on you!
Cashier's Check in the amount of $1,000.000. This check must be cashed within 5 days of receiving it and can only be redeemed at the Galactic National Bank. Branch offices soon to be found at your nearest strip mall. (In the meantime, feel free to use our special "agent" Gus Winthrop to get the check cashed. Pay Gus the full amount plus 17% and he'll get you the cash lickety split.)
Bonuses:
Join now and receive the following valuable bonuses:
- One of Angelina and Brad's recently rejected children as a free gift. College education for them is NOT included.
- A date with Paris Hilton. This is not 100% guaranteed, but is HIGHLY likely
- 2.23 acres of Land in South Florida (bring mosquito and alligator repellent when visiting); location to be determined sometime in the near future
- A large vibrating egg
Who Am I?
My name is Havmor (Havi) Gold. You've heard stories about people rising up from the ashes to make big money on the internet? You've heard about others who were dead broke? THAT AIN'T NOTHIN! I was DEAD! No I mean dead. Really dead. PHYSICALLY dead.
That's right. Dead (not just mostly dead - like in The Princess Bride). Caput, Finito. Bought the farm. Six feet under, etc. While in a semi-purgatorious state, I received an offer via email. Don't ask me how I got it, but I did. I responded. And look what happened.
Not only did I come back to life, I'm now one of the richest people on the planet. You too can do the same. If your Aunt Gertrude just died, GRAB her credit card right now before they shut it off. Send me a donation. It's the least you can do for the money you will soon be receiving.
More information on me can be found by going to www.WhoIsWho.com/rich-lying-cheating-overstatingthetruth-bastard.htm.
Guarantee
The guarantee for the product/service is for fixed period of 544 years and 3 months. Any requests for refunds after that time will be done on a pro-rata basis based on the difference between the International Fed Funds rate and the Global Positioning Algorithmic Motion Percentage Generator, whichever is greater.
A Serious Warning
Understand that few people are truly ready to receive all of the riches this system will bring you. Beware. If you're one of them, do NOT order. This system is not for you. Many people find that a life filled with mountains of cash is unsatisfying. If you are one of them, then please don't buy. We know who you are and we will NOT REFUND your money!!!!
But there's More
Once you send us your entire life's savings, we have set up support groups and numerous teleseminars, newsletters, ezines and auto-responder series to help you understand and cope with the volume of cash that you'll be receiving.
You'll also be enrolled in our free CLUB that will continue to barage you with entirely useless offers that further enrich us and do absolutely nothing to help you.
Don't wait! Order NOW!
Sincerely,
HavMore (Havi) Gold
Billions in Minutes is brilliant and hysterical....
-Bob Bly